It’s been over a week since I’ve written anything, here or elsewhere. That’s indicative of how busy these days have been.
Yesterday I had the joy and honor and privilege of watching my oldest daughter graduate. Wow. I had no idea what an impact these days leading up to graduation, and graduation itself would have on me. I truly understand the term “bursting with pride” now. How insanely crazy lady it is, to get teary eyed as the band began to play “Pomp and Circumstances”!!! Crazy lady indeed.
Seeing her in that cap and gown represented so much more than a high school education completed. It represented challenges overcome, blood, sweat and tears shed, days of laughter and days of wondering if we were going to make it. And we did. We, as a family, did it. And it took all of us. As Keli said to me with tears in her own eyes, she couldn’t have done it without her brothers and sisters. And she meant it. And it stirs me up now to remember her sincere thanks to me, heartfelt and genuine. We know without even having to say anything, what this graduation means. My girl is tough. She is strong. She loves her God and has dreams for her life, but wants to be in His will. What more could a mother ask for?
But tonight I am struggling hard. Graduation is over, my girl has left for beach week, and today was the day for my other 3 to visit their father in prison for Father’s Day. This should not be. It just should not be. He should be here with us tomorrow in worship—we should have pictures of them in the proverbial “Father’s Day Slide Show”. My crew is melancholy and subdued tonight, not a common occurrence in this chaotic and often laughter filled little house of ours. It’s been a tough day. Tough for them to say Hello, warm up to him, and then tough to say goodbye. My heart hurts for their little hearts. Because while growing up, they are still children, and this should not be.
It’s been very good to have family here to celebrate graduation, and I am grateful for their willingness to travel so far to help us to commemorate this special occasion. But there remains an ache in my soul tonight for what should be. And for what is not.
Tomorrow is Father’s Day. A Day to celebrate father’s and grandfathers. A day to honor them. And a day for father’s to recommit to being godly leaders for their family’s. A Father is a special thing. And when a father is absent, the hole is large.
I am grateful for the father’s in my life, all of them. Those by blood, and those who are sometimes my father as well. I am grateful for men in my children’s lives—men that will hug them or high-five them, who will ask them how they are, who will teach them to weed-eat.
Tomorrow, though, I get to sing to my heavenly father. I am adopted by Him, He is my Abba. And while tonight my heart is heavy with grief, I pray tomorrow that I will make much of My Father God and that He will be pleased with me, His daughter.