I have some good news regarding my current job. Great news, actually. With the addition of new government contracts, my hours have been increased to near full-time status for now. This is huge. I am so relieved. Also, the company has decided to provide me with a top of the line Dell laptop to work on, even though I am not an employee, only a contractor. Not as awesome as my beloved Mac, but pretty darn near as awesome. I took possession of the computer this week and it has made a tremendous difference—it is so much faster and eyestrain has been reduced significantly.
Next week is a long, full week of meetings here in the area. I’m looking forward to meeting my co-workers from across the US. A few weeks after that I will do some traveling for the company.
I’m still hoping that this company will employ me full-time in the future. Both Keli and I are without insurance at the moment. I’ve been able to get my most critical medication through a patient assistance program, but that is a temporary fix. The stability of full-time employment with insurance would be a tremendous gift.
I’m working so hard. I am so tired. That is a whine. A grateful whine, but a whine none-the-less.
The timing for the increase of hours has been critical. Which brings to mind Matthew 6:25-34–where Jesus is preaching and addresses anxiety for what one should eat or wear. If it were only myself, I could live in my car, or backpack across Nepal. I am not one that worries about what I will eat or wear or where I will sleep. But I have four children dependent on me to provide for them–even my oldest, though she helps out financially as much as possible, still needs shelter and support. The key is, do I believe this passage to be truth?
It’s an easy passage to believe when our needs are being met. It is not easy to believe when the electricity is about to be turned off, as was the case recently. How does one become the sort of person who can believe this, and all scripture for that matter, regardless of the circumstances? I really want to know the answer to this question. I mean, I REALLY want to know the answer.
Jesus seems almost exasperated here in this passage, addressing his listeners as being “you of little faith.” And when he makes that statement, I know that He is speaking directly at me. And maybe He is speaking directly at you, too.
There are many, many people that I admire who seem to have this preternatural belief. People that I look up to, both living and dead, that had or have this tremendous faith. Faith that demands that scripture is truth. Faith that demands that God is good. Faith that demands that “all things work together for good”–and not in a cross-stitch it and hang it on the wall way.
Good grief, I want to be like that. To be able to stand fast regardless of the situation. To not fail in faith as I often do.