This has been a rough week for sleep. Or, put another way, this has been a very sleepless week. Whether I’ve been awakened by nightmares or, like tonight, unable to settle my soul enough to sleep, insomnia has plagued me all week.
I am tired. My mind and soul will not settle.
So here I lay in my bed, surrounded by my books and now my computer, knowing that in just a few brief hours I will need to be at church for worship rehearsal.
One of the songs in our song set for tomorrow’s worship service is one of my favorites: In Christ Alone. Here is the first verse:
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.
What does this mean for me here in the middle of the night? When my fears are accentuated? When my strivings are vigorous?
The last verse of In Christ Alone reads like this:
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.
No guilt in life–I feel much shame tonight. Yet I know that my Jesus died for the sins that cause me this shame. No fear in death–I have no fear of death. This is the power of Christ in me–I struggle with the idea that Christ lives inside of me; for me, this is a hard concept. From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny–another hard concept, the idea that He has orchestrated the circumstances of my life for a reason, for a purpose, is sometimes very hard to swallow. No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand–these sleepless nights are truly spiritual battles, I’ve come to see and acknowledge that. There is a war going on for the thoughts in my mind. A true battle. Till He returns or calls me home–O, how I long to go home!! But until then, here in the power of Christ, I’ll stand.
But only by His grace. Only by His grace.