I struggle greatly with insomnia. It’s something that haunts me on a regular basis. For the most part, after years of living like this, I have adjusted. I can function on little sleep. Yet that doesn’t mean that I don’t yearn for the rest, for the peace that comes with deep, undisturbed, sleep. When I am granted that gift, it is tremendous. And it is a gift, it is not something that I take for granted, at least, not any more, since settling that any night of unawakened sleep is a gift from God.
But I had never really considered the insomnia of Jesus, until I read this post by Russell Moore. His words on the very why-ness of why Jesus agonized in the garden while his disciples slept, is somehow both comforting and challenging. Comforting to know that my Savior knows the Middle-of-the-Night fear that settles deep in one’s mind and soul. Challenging though, because his wakefulness that night was not because he feared the storm that was to come (remember, he is the one that slept in the storm, then calmed the waves with simple words), but rather he was sleepless because of the agony he experienced, so rightfully explained by Dr. Moore:
“It is because Jesus knows what to fear. Jesus knows to fear not him who can kill the body, but instead Him who can cast both body and soul into hell (Matt. 10:28). Jesus doesn’t fear the watery deeps, which can be silenced by his voice. But he knows that is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”