And this morning I am being made aware that I truly do not have the right to speak about marriage. I tend to be a very prideful person, in a very ugly way. Pride is what I fight most, and it is the worst sin, the hardest sin–in my opinion–to rid oneself of. I was prideful in thinking that I had good words to speak about marriage. But after a very short night and much thinking, I do not.
My marriage is over. I never dreamed that it would be, but it is. Who am I, to try to speak on marriage? I am heartbroken. Time moving forward helps tremendously, but the pain remains right under the surface, and sometimes it breaks through. Like this morning.
So I apologize to my readers for thinking I could write something helpful about marriage or scripture. There are many, many great resources out there, great books, great sermons. And there is always Scripture, the first place one should look to. This morning I am trying to hold onto Job 13:15:
15 Though he slay me, I will hope in him;
Leslie says
Those of us wounded in our marriages do have something to offer. We have the experience of what happens when it goes terribly wrong. I didn’t choose my husband’s affair(s?) and abandonment any more than you chose Jack’s choices. But we do have choices to make every day. Do we wallow in self-pity and make ourselves and everyone around us miserable, or do we cling to Christ as the focus of the energy we used to spend on our husbands and marriages? I wish I could say I always choose the latter, but sometimes I do, and my peace is multiplied. There are so many women whose husbands widow them emotionally – you and I have been there. Sadly, divorce is part of America’s culture of marriage. There is someone new each day who is starting the journey, fresh and raw. They need women like you and me who are healing and have healed to speak Truth to them. Do NOT sell yourself short, Shelly Donoho Duffer. You have every right to speak about marriage – more than that, you have an opportunity to help the hurting. And clearly, you are doing that. I love you and MISS you, my precious sister.
Wendy says
Shelly you are an amazing lady who has although faced tremendous difficulties continues to shine like a diamondl I admire you for your strength,
Kevin you-know-who says
We all know marriage does not have a fairy-tale ending. Briar and I still struggle, but we’re either too stubborn to be the first to quit or something about the way we love each other keeps us firmly together. Either way we decided that we do love each other, and that just loving each other is not enough. We also decided that respect plays a key part in putting up with one another’s short-comings. Discovering what that means to each other is the easy part. Actually following through is the real struggle, especially when it means admitting you need help.
I think you have a wealth of knowledge about marriage and more importantly, family. Your kids appear to be growing up normally, even if that is, in part, outwardly. There is very few us if any that won’t struggle with events of our past and applying uncontrollable circumstances to ethical choices in our future. Again, if we choose to accept help (God or otherwise), we’re at least recognizing that we have a need and making an effort to be better than our inwardly selves. Though we may fail, help in it’s many forms will give us the chance to try again.
Please keep sharing, it at least keeps other from feeling like they are alone in their struggles.
Kathy Collard Miller says
I think you have every right to speak on marriage. You were married! You can warn us about obstacles and problems to conquer. You can share what you learned and how God ministered to you when you were married. I would respect what you have to say and take it to heart. I often share from the perspective of when my marriage was very weak and what was wrong at that time. Yes, both of us were willing to make it different and so it succeeded. You didn’t have that. But you would have chosen that route if given the cooperation. So, please share with us. At least, that’s what I think out of your many readers.