I don’t even know how to process this day. I am trying to believe that God knows all things, that nothing surprises Him, and that He is in control. I’m trying to find scripture to hold on to, but I’m having a difficult time concentrating. I’m pretty sure this post won’t even make sense.
The time when my ex-husband was arrested, my crew and I were in dire need of prayer. We once again are facing a tremendous need for serious prayer.
I’m reeling. So much progress has been being made. In so many areas. School. Work. Future. Less hopelessness, much more hope. Joy has been overflowing. I could see God working and moving tremendously in our lives. Tremendously so. I finally felt I was getting my feet underneath me to the extent that there was hope for our future. I was excited. I could really sense God. Study time has been incredibly beneficial and good. Prayer time has been real. I could sense normalcy starting to surround us–a new normal, yes–but normalcy nonetheless.
But this day today has the potential of wrecking all of that. I am sick to my stomach. I am absolutely terrified. Sleep will not come. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do or where to go. And I don’t know where God is. I do not sense His presence. I need His presence desperately. I need to know He has a plan for my life.
I’ll not put the details in here. I’ll just plead, plead with you to please pray for us. Pray for me. I need God’s mercy and grace in this situation. Desperately so.
I know all the platitudes. What I need instead is something unmovable that I can find some stability in. The only thing I can think to do, is to go back to my prayer and study materials and concentrate on the supplication verses just like I’ve concentrated on the Thanksgiving verses this month.
December 3rd will be a critical day for us. Between now and then, I’ve got to go back to doing the next thing. Do a load of laundry. Proofread a document. Sweep a floor. Feed my crew. But all the while my soul will be churning with anxiety and fear. These days will be long. I want to go Home, more than ever. More than ever I want to go Home.
I share all of this to say: I know I’ve asked for prayer before. This time I am pleading with you to pray for God’s mercy and grace and peace upon us. I need Him to come to our rescue. I need Him to come to my rescue. Please pray specifically for sleep. For peace of mind. For clarity of mind. Please my friends, I’m desperate for your prayers.