Archives for May 2013
When I Mess Up : Huge Discouragement and Crushed in Spirit
It’s been a rough day.
There’s been a string of them lately.
I woke up highly motivated this morning. Out of bed by 4:30. Great time of study with God. Real Worship. Real prayer. Probably the most I’ve sensed His presence in awhile.
After about an hour of study, writing and prayer, I went to work. I was highly motivated. I saw a tweet from Jon Acuff this morning that said:
“There are lots of folks who are going to write a book, start a business or get in shape “someday” sleeping in right now. All we get is today”
Reading that revved me into high gear….the day lay ahead, it was early and peaceful, and I was determined to work hard and be productive today.
And I was. I worked hard on my tasks at hand. I got caught up on email from being gone last week. I worked on documentation and began to work on the Meeting Minutes from last week. Head down, typing furiously, I worked straight through both breakfast and lunch.
I was feeling pretty good about the day–very good about the day, actually, when all of that came to an abrupt halt.
I had made a big mistake in the documentation I was working on. It was a needless mistake, the kind that there is no excuse for, that comes from getting in too big of a rush and not thoroughly checking and double checking things.
My boss is the one that caught it. I frantically tried to make it right, but may have only succeeded in making it more complicated.
Tonight is very different from this morning, because tonight I’m devastated. I’m angry at myself. I need this job. I love this job. I feel God has provided my crew and I this job. And I’m so angry at making foolish mistakes that could even remotely jeopardize it.
I am sick tonight. Sick of heart, Sick of soul.
What do we do, when we find ourselves in this situation? I’m not sure, but I first went to my knees. Now, don’t think me righteous by any stretch of the imagination for crying out to God for His help in such away—-no righteousness here, only sheer desperation.
And then I looked into Scripture, going to the Psalms to find the words that I couldn’t find in my own mind. And they were there in Psalm 37:23-24:
23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
24 though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.
After a day like today, it’s hard to imagine that my steps are established by the Lord. It’s a real temptation to point the finger at God and say “After the time I had in worship this morning early, it’s hard to accept that the day took a turn south. Way south.
But like in my last post, all scripture is God’s truth. “The steps of a man (or woman) are established by the Lord….” He alone establishes my steps, am I going to walk in those steps???
“when he delights in his way”: I’m honestly not sure what this phrase means. Does it mean “when a person delights in God’s ways”? If that is the case, I need to be more conscious, more conscientious about the steps that God establishes for me. I need to delight in His way.
But the verse I am clinging to tonight is 24: “though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong for the Lord upholds his hand”
Oh, how I hope this is truth, because I have fallen at work through my own stupidity. I need this job. I need this job, desperately.
I love this job.
I’m praying that I will not be cast headlong into a ditch because the Lord–my Jesus–upholds my hand.
I need God to hold my hand tomorrow. I’m definitely on edge. Ramped up. I’m praying for an opportunity to fix my documentation mistakes. To go forward learning that I must double check and triple check each submission.
And then I’m also watching the newsfeed out of Oklahoma, and praying real prayer for miracles of finding children who are currently trapped, of finding them alive. It’s unimaginable. And I turn to the Psalms for this horrific tragedy as well:
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Oklahoma is full of devastated families tonight. And this puts everything into perspective, well, in some ways. I pray that the Lord will be near to the brokenhearted tonight—that he will save those that are crushed in spirit. Whew. Good Grief.
And so I pray: Oh Father, gives us all peace tonight. Peace when we make mistakes and direction to now how to correct them. Peace that you hold our hands, and even though we fall—because we do, as I am an example of that today–I will not be cast head long into the abyss.
And I pray for the mom’s and dad’s in Oklahoma who do not know the fate of their children. Father hold THEIR hands. Please provide miracles. Please work miracles. Please be with the first responders. The Doctor’s, the nurse’s. We don’t understand why these things that the insurance companies call “Acts of God”, occur God. Your ways are not our own.
It’s a disturbing night, and it would be so easy to allow fear to reign both in my own situation, and in the nation at large as they contemplate the devastation of Moore, OK. But God calls us not to fear.
And so, on this rough, rough night, I will try to walk the steps that God has ordained for me and to delight in his ways. I shall fight fear and worry. I shall fight for real joy.
Your prayers are deeply appreciated, my friends. For all of us, as we strive to know God’s will and find it and as we search for God’s comfort in the midst of the tumultuous storm.
Sunday Thoughts: Truth for John
Truth.
All Truth.
All Truth is God’s truth.
Just ponder that for a moment.
I had to stop and think about that today while studying for my first class at Knox Theological Seminary.
The reading I had to do today was pretty dry. And long. But it was energizing to plow through it, I felt excited to get started again at digging deep into the materials. I feel like I accomplished something–like I’ve started something important.
In the midst of the dry material, I came across this paragraph:
……Christians before the rise of the more skeptical forms of historical criticism not only immersed themselves in the text……but they also believed that the text told them the truth. (An Introduction to the New Testament by D.A. Carson and Douglas J. Moo.
It reminded me that as much as I enjoy delving into the technical aspects of the study of Scripture because I’m searching for the answers to my hundreds of questions, I can not forget the main objective.
The text tells us the truth.
And I want to know the truth. And you want to know the truth.
Part of my assignment today was to read the first 14 chapters of Matthew. In doing so, I came across a story that I had forgotten about. It’s found in Matthew 11:2-6.
You see, John the Baptist is in prison. His death is imminent–he knows it could come at any time. Yet he has a question. A question burning in his soul. Is Jesus the Messiah? Or was someone else to come and be the Messiah? He’s sitting in prison. He’s reflecting on the events of his life. No doubt he is remembering baptizing Jesus.
But now, John wants to know the truth. He NEEDS to know the truth.
So he sends word by his disciples to ask Jesus: “Are you he one who is to come, or shall we look for another?”
Remember what I said above, that all truth is God’s truth?
This was truth: Jesus was the one. Jesus was the Messiah. John died, knowing the truth.
But how do we know the truth? I want to know what is true.
- First, we immerse ourselves in Scripture–in the text. Daily. We develop a hunger for God’s word through reading and studying it, through listening to the word preached. This is vital.
- We ask God for the faith to believe what Scripture says is truth; and we trust that scripture is truth.
For some, they may think “Well, of course.” but it’s not as easy as that. It requires time—time to do just that: immerse ourselves in scripture. In Prayer. In Worship.
All truth is God’s truth.
All truth.
Truth.
Ms. Trotter and Habakkuk 3:19-20
My daughter has big dreams.
She wants to attend Cambridge and become a World-Famous author. But to finance herself until she gets her book contract, she wants to be a teacher.
When she was little, I bought her this very same “Play School” kit, with all sorts of “teacher-y” things. She still has that playset, and though it’s beat up and has lost some parts, she still gets it out once in awhile, even though she is 13.
Everyone remembers their favorite teacher. Mine was Ms. Trotter, who was my second grade teacher. She was pretty, never yelled, and very kind to this shy, backwards little girl. Plus she always had candy on her desk to give out. I loved Ms Trotter. We all loved Ms. Trotter.
While doing some studying on other scripture, I stumbled across two verses that really made me stop and think. These verses are found in Habakkuk 2:19-20.
19 Woe to him who says to a wooden thing, Awake; to a silent stone, Arise!
Behold, it is overlaid with gold and silver,
and there is no breath at all in it.
20 But the Lord is in his holy temple;
let all the earth keep silence before him.”
It took me awhile to think and write through these verses; mulling over their meaning. But once I finally got somewhere, I came to see these verses as beautiful and important. Especially because I like to learn. Especially because I’ve restarted seminary again.
Verses 18 (which I didn’t include here–go look it up) and 19,–well, never mind looking it up, I’ll add it here. 🙂 You’re welcome:
18 “What profit is an idol when its maker has shaped it,
a metal image, a teacher of lies?
For its maker trusts in his own creation
when he makes speechless idols!
Do you see that verses 18 and 19 are about idols? “What profit is an idol when its maker has shaped it, a metal image, a teacher of lies?” What is an idol? Anything that takes the place of God in your life. Anything. There is much–MUCH–that could become idols in a person’s life. I know that I would have a list a mile long, depending on the year or season of my life. I’m sitting in Georgia as I write this, on a business trip. And it is interesting to be quiet and just listen to the way people talk about their material possessions. Pools. Boats. Cars. Not saying that it’s wrong to own or like these things, but are they in a higher position in your life than God? Then that’s an idol.
Verse 18 calls an idol a “teacher of lies”. What an accurate description! I’ve heard idols referred to as many things, but this is the first time I’ve heard this phrase used. The maker of the idol “trusts” what he has made; this teacher of lies. But then take a look at verse 19…
19 Woe to him who says to a wooden thing, Awake; to a silent stone, Arise!
Can this teach?
Behold, it is overlaid with gold and silver, and there is no breath at all in it.
In looking at the “Woe’s” of Jesus recently in Matthew 23, I discovered that the word “woe” is serious stuff. Grievous distress, affliction or trouble. The “Woe’s” of life are not to be taken lightly.
And so here it is in Habakkuk, in verse 19: WOE. Woe to the person who worships a piece of wood. Woe to the person who worships a silent stone.
Can this teach?
GREAT question. Perfectly placed in scripture. LOVE that question. That piece of wood, that silent stone, that money, that boat you worship? Can these teach? Can they teach you about salvation? Can they teach you how to care for people, how to love people, how to be a follower of Christ? No. No. These can not teach. Even if it is overlaid with gold; with silver–there is no breath at all in it.
But then comes verse 20. Verse 20 is amazing–watch this:
20 But the Lord is in his holy temple;
let all the earth keep silence before him.”
Do you see? “The Lord is in his holy temple.” What is a temple? A place of worship. A place of teaching about our God. A place where Jesus, Himself taught:
The “He” referred to in these verses is my Jesus—every day He was teaching in the temple. And early in the morning, all of the people would go to the temple to hear Him teach. Just imagine what it must have been like, to sit under Jesus’ teaching! The one that all of scripture—that of before his birth and that following his birth—points to Him. Points to Jesus.
Remember, though, that the verse in Habakkuk is before the birth of Jesus. And yet, if you read it in context, we find that the LORD, God is in His Holy Temple. The place of worship. The place of the teaching. The place of teaching about God.. “The Lord is in His holy temple”.
Wow.
This is not nothing.
I was once a substitute teacher. I loved the challenge of the job, even with the tough classes (well, usually–some days were much worse than others). Of course, like any teacher, keeping the children silent so they could learn was a chore. A nearly impossible chore.
I never quite managed to keep them completely quiet during teaching time, but I was able to get them absolutely silent before the end of the class. This was because I told them that I would not release them when the bell rang until they had been silent–completely silent–for 2 minutes straight.
Take a bunch of middle schoolers and challenge them to be silent–for 2 minutes! They would squirm and fret, and then inevitably someone would just have to say something–which meant me keeping them another minute into their break between classes. They hated it. I loved it.
But you know what? When I imagine sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening to Him teach, I can’t imagine uttering a single word. I can’t imagine anyone talking. No, what I imagine is what we see in the rest of Habakkuk 2:20: “Let all the earth keep silence before Him.” Silence. All the earth.
I don’t know what heaven will be like, or what it will be like when Jesus returns, or any of that kind of stuff. All I know is that someday I will go home—-and I hope that part of being home will be sitting at the feet of Jesus, in a holy hush; in a silence; while He teaches me–and you–all that He would have us learn about Him.